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How can you demystify such language and lessen its power over your reactions? Train yourself to look at the total message and analyze the particular case. For example, would it make any difference if the recruiter were a woman rather than a man? Ask yourself: Why is this person using such language?
Is he personally insensitive, or is he testing me? Is this an attitude that is widespread in the company? By concentrating on such questions, you can reduce the power of trigger words and distance yourself somewhat from your own emotions. You can then decide whether you wish to confront the recruiter in order to clarify these questions. For example, you might tactfully say, “I’m impressed by what you have told me. But I’m troubled by your use of the term ‘girls.’ As a woman, would I really be respected in your company?” There is an obvious risk in this strategy: You might offend the recruiter and not get a highly desirable position. But there is also a risk in committing to a job situation that might not be good for you.